he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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