did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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