I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
