I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
