Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
