my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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