Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
