You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
