Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
