my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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