This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
