you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
