Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Randomize
