Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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