The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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