Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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