well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
