Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
