Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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