Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
