i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
