Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We are two peas in an std pod
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
