then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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