Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
