He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
