I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
