Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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