You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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