mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
