She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
