well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Houston, we have a squirter
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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