for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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