Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
