I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
