Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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