she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
