That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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