the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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