no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
