porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
