So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you win again, gameday.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
