I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
