party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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