Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
