last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
