His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
