Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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