last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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