I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
