you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
