I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i think my cat just said my name.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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