I bet he comes in French.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
