i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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