How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
