If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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