She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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