um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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