He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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