I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize