Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
