The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
