??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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