As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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