She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You've changed since you got that strap on
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
