So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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