yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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