He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
