worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
