I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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