I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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