If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
