Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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