He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize