I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize