Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
