Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
