I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
