i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
