true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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