Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
