Im at strip club and am horny
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
