I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
