my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
