she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
