bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
