Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
