can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
