does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
