I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
