I'm so fucking centered right now
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
