K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize