Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
