Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
