dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
