I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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