I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
