The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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