after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
