Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
