Where is the hickey?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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