Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
