I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
