My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
